A Not So Friendly Visit
by WenchElle
Summary: Harry and his family pay a visit to his estranged cousin. But will everything go perfect as planned?Oneshot.


**Disclaimer: I don't own any characters, I'm not JK, blah blah blah...**

Watery sunlight filtered through the trees and the perfectly trimmed hedges of Maxwell Street. It was a long way from anything unusual or mysterious, as most perfect and orderly suburbs in east Kent were. Each driveway looked exactly the same, the same front path, the same garden walls appearing on every front lawn. If it were not for the small number eight on one of the front doors, the Potters would not have known which of the town homes belonged to their relative.

There was nothing about the pale sun that day to suggest that strange, mysterious things would soon be happening.

As the little family traipsed up the steps, Ginny Potter shook her long red hair out of her eyes and passed one hand over her swollen tummy. She gave her husband a hard look as they stopped on the stoop.

"What?" he asked wearily, shifting his small son, one-year-old James, from one hip to the other. The child began playing with the pockets of Harry's trousers.

Ginny sighed. "Do we really have to do this? You know I how much I despise that old cow," she grumbled, crossing her arms over the bump in her torso.

"Don't talk about Abbey like that! She's just…a little bit of a perfectionist, that's all," said Harry sheepishly. "Can we please try and just get through this without a mishap this time? I promise it will be a short visit," Harry pleaded. He squeezed his wife's fingers. Ginny huffed and nodded her agreement. With a determined look on his face, Harry Potter clanked the golden knocker on the front door three times.

They waited.

Very abruptly, the door to Number Eight banged open. On the threshold stood Dudley Dursley. He was just as large and blond as had been the last time Harry had seen him, about three years ago, just after he had married Ginny. He was, however, no longer the rotund boy of Harry's youth. He was portly, rather than pudgy. His mass had changed from fat to muscle, and he was very, very tall. Compared to Harry, Dudley was much larger, as it had always been.

"Harry," said Dudley, stupidly, his mouth gaping for words as he tried to comprehend the little group of people on his doorstep. "What a surprise. Won't you come in?" he finally offered weakly, standing aside to let them pass. Harry and Dudley exchanged a very strained handshake, and Ginny grinned, sickly sweet.

Just then, a very small, very plain woman entered the hallway. She wore a meek, faded blue housedress with a white apron. Her features were very bland and boring, and her hair was a mousy brown. Or dishwater blonde, depending on how you look at it. She looked surprised to see Harry and Ginny for a moment, but quickly changed her expression to Perfect Housewife.

"Harry! Ginny! How nice to see you again! May I offer a cup of tea?" she simpered, waving towards the kitchen. Ginny rolled her eyes discreetly, then put on a fake smile and did that air kissy thing with Mrs. Dursley. The pair of women went into the kitchen together, squealing about Ginny's new kid and leaving Harry and Dudley with James.

Dudley searched for something to say. Then his eyes settled on James. Brightening up immediately as though pleased to have found something to break the silence, Dudley asked "You have a son now? And another on the way, by the look of your wife?"

"Yes. James, this is Cousin Dudley," Harry said to his son. He hesitated a moment, then held the child out to his relative. Dudley took him and held him, arms stretched far from his body, as though not sure what to do with the child.

"Duddy," repeated James.

"Yes, that's right," said Harry meekly.

* * *

The four adults and James sat in the sitting room, cups of tea in all of their laps. Nobody spoke a word. On the floor, James cooed, playing with something nobody could see. Abbey picked at her nails, and Ginny stared daggers at Harry. There was nothing to speak of, and Abbey's surgically clean sitting room made the Potters feel almost as awkward as the Dursleys who hosted them.

SuddenlyHarry lunged at his son, but he was to late to stop what was about to happen.

James had stood up, a childlike delight on his young features. With utter glee, he pointed the wand straight at Dudley, and cried "Duddy!!!!"

_BANG!!_

_  
_Dudley howled, clutching his backside. The scene reminded Harry of another, many years ago, when he and his cousin were both very young…Dudley had hopped around just like that, his hands plastered over his bottom.

Harry roared with laughter. Despite the crowded, serious room, he could not help himself. From the seat of Dudley's trousers, there was, yet again, a curly, pig's tail emerging from them.

Ginny snatched up her son and took back the wand. "Jamesy, how many times have I told you!" she scolded.

"You don't touch _daddy's wand!!!"_

FIN

* * *

**A/n:**This is a total work in progress. I aim to make it longer in the future. 


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